8 Semi-Secret Things

Courtesy of a non-existent tag by BetheBoy.

1. I believe mayonnaise to be the thick, viscous nectar of the gods. I sometimes wonder if my mom switched my milk to mayo in those few years when I was allergic to all things milky. And by mayonnaise, I do not mean (in any way, shape or form) that disgusting, terrorist-created product called Miracle Whip. I like the real stuff. 100% mayo, or even the fake, “healthier” ones that taste so similar. I love it so much, in fact, that once as a teen, I refused to eat the beach dinner that was made one summer, and instead ate a small loaf of boule bread, dipping it in a jar of magnificent mayonnaise.
2. Speaking of milky, I’m not a fan of chocolate. I love Lindt truffles, and some biscuity treats like Kit Kats, but I don’t gorge on mass amounts of that dark, sinful, so-called delight. Perhaps this is due to that early milk allergy. I don’t know. All I know is that it is not all that it’s cracked up to be, and is, in fact, not half as good as some other sweets out there, like a rich, lemon pound cake, Italian cookies, or cookies and cream fudge.
3. I used to have a pet cow. I don’t remember its name, but it was really fun. It was hard to play with the bugger, being so much bigger than I was, but I did my best. I made hoops out of twine, and coaxed the mooing beast through them, as if it was a feat of animal-trained magic. Unfortunately, the cow was acquired for meat, and one day my friend was sent off to the butchers. But the moo had a disease, and my friend was then fed to my dog.
4. I once kissed a boy who later became an infamous bandit in his town.
5. I learned how to cross my eyes due to my desire, as a teen, to wear glasses. I was obsessed with them. I wanted them more than anything else — earrings, rings, or even hairspray. When I began to get sleepy any time I tried to study from a textbook, I was sure that the magical moment had finally arrived. I went to the eye doctors, excitedly read the lines (being especially happy for the lines I couldn’t read). But then the mean doctor gave me the bad news. It wasn’t that my eyes needed glasses — they just needed exercise. Every day for months, I’d have to hold my finger up to my nose, and follow it with my eyes. In. Out. In. Out. Over and over again. By the end of it, I was a champion eye-crosser.
6. I have written one Hollywood fan letter in my life. It was after I fell for Balthazar Getty in Lord of the Flies. I don’t remember what I wrote, but in return, I got a signed, hottie photo of him, and later a postcard updating me on his life. 1 for 1 is not bad at all.
7. When I was young, I used to rock out, with a sculpted, metal piece of guitar art, to the album for Summer Magic.
8. Twin Peaks never scared me as much as Angelo Badalamenti’s music teamed with Laura Palmer’s prom picture during the weekly closing credits.